Sign up with your email address to be the first to read new stories, exclusives, VIP offers, blog features & more.

Everybody needs a Poo-Tin

Posted on 0 0
it's scrum...but who's Poo-Tin?

it’s a scrum…but who’s Poo-Tin?

Cold, fresh, and steaming, the Poo-Tin is the latest in a long line of Russian windpipes.

If you’re having trouble South of the border, you can do a lot worse than call in the help of the Poo-Tin.

The Poo-Tin already knows all about your plumbing, hell, it’s laid a cable or two itself in its time!

Having trouble with gassy emissions – that little piece of last night’s Kiev causing you to make a run for it every five minutes?

Blockades that just won’t go away? Rumblings of discontent? Pussy riot? The Poo-Tin knows just how you feel.

The Poo-Tin uses revolutionary technology to ride roughshod over even the toughest of regimes

The Poo-Tin gets straight down to work, it doesn’t mess about. Affectionately known as the “Balkan-ator” back in the Motherland, the Poo-Tin has dealt with poisoning, acid attacks, all the way up to crises of nuclear proportions!

So how does the Poo-Tin do it?

Well, picture if you will, a bare chested man on horseback spearing a fish with a pike whilst reading a complicated book and making a scientific discovery all at the same time. Impressive huh? And that’s just what the Poo-Tin does when it has a bit of downtime!

KGB approved, The Poo-Tin just loves gas – it can’t get enough – even though it has enough already, it just wants more! The Poo-Tin will keep your gas away from you, tunnelling it far away where it can be given to someone else – but only just enough mind, and sometimes not even that much!

The Poo-Tin is much more efficient than its wishy washy rival, the Obama-nator – The Obama-Nator can’t get close enough to the source of the problem, and, although it makes threatening noises, it never seems to be able to find the troublemakers it is looking for. In fact often it just pretends it has found them and claims it has disposed of them even though nobody saw! But hey, that’s democracy, The Poo-Tin knows you haven’t got time for that.

And as for it’s Euro rivals – huh! Since when has Brussels been good for gas! The Euro wastes energy, it’s in a right old state – The U-Crane – where it shouldn’t be!

Sometimes, it can feel good to have a Kremlin in the (gas) works.

Ideal for gassy blockages, the Poo-Tin will make sure everything is running as smooth as a bobsleigh run – the Poo-Tin will even sink your battleships for you! Trust us, if the Poo-Tin can’t conquer it, it ain’t worth conquering!

Now available in Europe! Free oligarch with every coup!

*Winter Olympic restrictions may apply.

 

No Comments Yet.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: