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Breaking news: people in East London are funniest in capital

DSCN0051Research has shown that people from East London tend to be funnier than their West, North and South London counterparts.

Areas such as Shoreditch, Hackney, Bow, Dalston, and other places mentioned in the nursery rhyme “when will you pay me said the bells of Old Bailey”, have emerged as genuinely amusing places to visit, and not just because lots of poor people live there.

Historically, people from East London have been perceived as smelling funny, acting funny, and possibly deserving of a visit to the “funny farm”, but nowadays, just being funny can be added to the list.

Funny things that people in East London do include eating jellied eels, pointlessly running up and down a fetid, redundant canal, owning small dogs, house training their beards, and taking their tattoos for a walk.

South Down?

South London, where plenty of people look funny, and even look at you funny, is now only the second funniest place in London, with heavy nose breathing, sniggering, and saying “that’s pretty funny” apologetically whilst grimacing and arching an eyebrow having replaced the genuine belly laugh.

West not best

In Kensington and Chelsea, the rich and famous hold onto third place, with highlights including people wearing red trousers and leather jerkins despite having never been to the countryside before, nobody being able to hear anyone due to the constant tea cup rattling drone of aeroplanes taking off and landing at Heathrow, Spencer Matthews from Made In Chelsea, and the number of Australians who can fit into a 2 bed apartment in Shepherds Bush.

Oops North

Meanwhile, North London has emerged as a favourite spot for people who are rich, but no longer funny; think Michael Macintyre, or Jimmy Carr. Attracted to the area by activities such as “tax-dogging”, where you hide from the taxman in a chauffeur driven Range Rover with tinted windows, and “Photo-shopping”, which involves driving your Range Rover into a branches of Snappy Snaps whilst holding a bifter in one hand and somebody’s manhood in the other, North London has become the destination of choice for unfunny has-beens.

Laughter is the best medicine

East London’s success has been attributed to the rash of emerging artists’ communities around Hackney Wick, which have embraced the old traditions of the area with gusto. Pie and Mash shops, Bagel factories and unacceptable working conditions are all features which have put a smile back on the faces of East Londoners, and their bizarre, cockney-mongering ways.

A dose of the Clap-ton?

Local residents are said to be delighted by the news, with one wag demanding someone fetch a needle and thread, “as I think my sides have just split”. In Hackney, it seems, it’s not just babies and the elderly who are “wetting themselves” on a daily basis.

Everyone’s a grinner

Funny places to go in East London include Colombia Road Flower market, with its cockney cash machines, and angry, red faced flower salesmen, Broadway Market, with its selection of enticing drugs and restaurants, and Whitechapel, where Jack the Ripper tour guides tell made up stories by gesticulating at bewildered tourists.

 

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